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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Attention Seasoned Travelers:

Tired of the hustle and bustle of the big city?

Yearning for a drive with picturesque corn fields and gas stations fully stocked with any flavor of beef jerky products your heart may desire?

Searching for a place where townie gas station patrons, spotting your souvenir neighborhood pub crawl t-shirt, revel in such an idea and commend you on your participation?

Where weddings are designed not just as a mere celebration of love for the couple, but also as an added bonus, homage to beer and the not-so-traditional dive bar?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, a visit to Effingham, IL, the crossroads of opportunity, might be just what you're looking for.

Robust with a main street full of fast food restaurants and a Super Walmart, Effingham also boasts the largest truck stop this side of the Mississippi.*
*Statistic not official, but damn, it's big.

Dining

The Effingham Steak and Shake, producing culinary masterpieces, employs the friendliest waitress in town, Margaret. She serves hungry travelers stories of her broken home along with their Frisco Melts.*



*Please note: Order two Frisco Melts at your own risk. Stake and Shake is not responsible of what waste will exude from the body as a result of this menu choice.

For all your beverage needs, Sporty's Liquor is a must. The laziest of travelers are even accommodated via Sporty's drive through. Make sure to pick up your very own classy beer bottle coozy on your way out.




Accommodations

The recommended accommodations in Effingham is the brand new Hilton Garden Inn, which features decor similar to Zach Braff's infamous wallpaper shirt in the movie Garden State.




Attractions

Do not leave town without stopping at the park neighboring the Hilton, consisting of only an aluminum slide fashioned as an American flag-colored rocket ship. Mothers: it is impossible to lose your children at this park and admittance is free.



*Not actual slide

Everyone needs a little Jesus in their life. What better way to show love for my savior and yours than with a 198 ft monstrous cross adorning the interstate? Yours to see. Free of charge. Only in Effingham.




Side Trips

Be sure to save time for a side trip to the quaint town of Altamont. Drinks in this town will set you back a mere $2. No trip to central Illinois is complete without a visit to scenic Mathias Lake. Fun for all can be had at Mathias Lake, whether it be observing wildlife and foliage or exploring the water.




Get out of the city today and head to Effingham. You will not regret it.


8:34 PM ::  :: E-Mail