Monday, November 07, 2005

That Crazy Chemistry Thing

Being single, I'm left with a lot of emotional free time to ponder hypothetical questions regarding relationships and the like. Please humor me by putting up with my latest random musings, typically reserved for my private journal. However, this topic I'll post about here to hopefully provoke some public discussion. (Cue my friends who are hitched that might be able to provide me with some insight I am severely lacking.) I know all these questions are overwhelming, probably make no sense, and have no clear answers. But if you're willing to take a stab at it, I'd absolutely love it. Get ready.


One question that has puzzled me regarding relationships is "The Thing." I am inclined to refer to "that thing" as chemistry, but it's not just sexual attraction I'm referring to with the vaguest of all terms. It's the combination of all the qualities you've been looking for all wrapped up into one person, sealed with an unbelievably inexplicable chemistry. It's looking at another person and knowing you could need them forever. And you're scared shitless. The kind of "thing" that makes you lose focus at work, identify with love songs (I'm not talking the mainstream ones here- but those little gems in lyrics by your favorite artist), and makes you want to be a better version of you. "The Thing" is what separates a good relationship from an unbelievable one. It is more than this- it is indescribable.


Is this "thing" what decides which certain sexual relationships, once finished, can evolve into a different form or not? Certain great friendships have been produced when a sexual relationship has dissolved, turning what once was passion into a platonic and strong friendship. Then there is the other type of sexual relationship when once over will never be successful as a friendship. You can't be in the same room with the other person alone or you might spontaneously combust, ruining everything you've been working so hard towards forgetting about. Is it "this thing" that defines what happens even after a relationship has ended?


I feel like in general people have an idea of things they look for in a significant other, i.e.: Sense of humor, passionate, goal-oriented, similar interests, etc. But if someone fits all those needs and doesn't have "the thing," then are they not the one for you? What is it that makes one person have "this thing" for you? And what makes someone else NOT have "this thing" for you, when they might be a perfectly nice, sound-minded, caring individual? Even more mind-boggling, there are ones who can have "this thing" that moves you so deeply but that are still not right for you long term- no matter how hard you try.


Is it at all possible to find one person who has it all? A person who has all the basics you are looking for, you can't get enough of them, and the chemistry- that thing- between you is so prevalent you're almost blinded? Or do we just start to settle the older we get, reformulating what is important to us until we find someone who we think will work?


Is it foolish to risk a life of potential good for the mere possibility of a life of potential amazing?


Along those lines, in choosing to give of yourself to another human being, are you supposed to go for chemistry or for practicality? In the classic battle of head versus heart, I think I will choose head every time. I tend to ignore my heart in favor of reason and sensibility. But if we only listened to our head and ignored the heart, nothing amazing would ever be achieved. People would never get married if they listened to their head. So, then, will I just get to be an age where I'm less afraid? More willing to let the guard of my rationality aside and let my heart take me where it leads? Or is my only hope to find that person who challenges me to address what's in my heart and to recognize it?


Tell me, in a world so large, how will it ever be possible to find that person, without settling, who is all of the above things to you- "the thing," the qualities, the sharing of dreams for a future together, etc, while trying to remain sensible? Is it all just a matter of mere timing? Am I at the mercy of chance encounter aligned with my eventual willingness to finally be vulnerable again, paired with just a little bit of sensibility with regards to my future?


(Please note: This post is not a freakout on my part of worry that I will end up alone. It's really just me trying to formulate some of the random thoughts that run through my brain.)