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Sunday, July 17, 2005

A Few Things, As Learned This Weekend

-If Vince Vaughan and Owen Wilson were in front of me, repairing shingles on a roof, or cleaning out their teeth with toothpicks, I'm pretty sure I'd think it was freaking hilarious. Vince, we're getting married- face it.


-Despite my overwhelming desire to only shop organic, it's just not going to happen. I'm too broke to shop organic. I went to Whole Foods and accidentally purchased a bag of organic grapes for $7. SEVEN DOLLARS. I was so shocked when the total popped up on the check out screen, I froze in disbelief, and handed over the money. What I should have done was marched that bag straight back to the bin it came from. But, no, I now have a $7 bag of grapes in my fridge that will probably go bad in two days because who can finish an entire bag of grapes before they go bad anyways? It's not even a large bag, for christ sake, it's a freaking standard size bag. SEVEN DOLLARS. I'm still not over it. There goes my new, organic lifestyle.


-I discourage people from enlisting the help of a sober roommate to drive you to the Harry Potter release party at Borders after drinking an entire bottle of wine. Somehow, that hour and a half wait for the new book does not sound good while you are intoxicated and wearing pajamas. If you're going to go purchase the new Harry Potter, you've got to be serious about it. And dressed like a sorcerer. Needless to say, I don't have the new Harry Potter book yet, probably thanks to my love of chardonnay.


-Yesterday at the beach, there was a girl who was normal-sized, maybe even a tiny bit larger than average, wearing a bikini. Nothing unusual. But what caught my attention was that she was sitting up, downing a chipotle burrito. On the beach. In her bikini. I know I'm an overly bodily self-conscious person, but damn if you'd ever catch me eating a chipotle burrito in a bikini. If I even sit up in my bathing suit I've got my arms strategically placed. Let alone tackle a chipotle massiveness. I really admired her. You go, chipotle beach girl!


-Port-o-potties are probably one of the worst things in this world, for obvious reasons. After spending a lot of time in a few last night, here's my plea to inventors: Please design a port-o-potty that has handles on the door, to aid girls who have to squat over those nasty things. Handles would help our cause immensely. If we're in a port-o-potty, chances are that we've been drinking beer and the peeing is longer than usual. We can only squat for so long, give a girl a damn something to grab on to.


-Apparently it's been confirmed that my sister and I did actually spring from the same two parents, as witnessed last night when someone chased me down at a block party yelling my sister's name. And another little tip: If you are going to scarf a tubesteak at a block party, try to wait until the sun goes down. It's for the best.


-I am obsessed with photo booths. My roommate and I will now have the sweetest set of photo coasters you have ever seen in your entire life. I hope our guests enjoy putting their drink on our faces.


6:17 AM ::  :: E-Mail