Monday, June 27, 2005

Chicago Events: Pride Parade vs. The Taste

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to experience both the Chicago Pride Parade and the Taste of Chicago... all in one long, hot, sweaty day.


As a single, straight female, I'll admit I was very surprised when another straight female co-worker of mine convinced me the Boystown Pride Parade is her favorite time in the city, that she goes every year and that I would be missing out if I did not attend. How could I resist such a passionate testimonial? So I rounded up the troops, including Steph, the sweet and innocent out-of-towner. She's so sweet and innocent that she comes armed with penis and naked man beads- straight from New Orleans, hoping to make a profit. So we head down to the parade. Three long hours and three 6-packs in the hot sun with no food left us a tad delirious. Christy's got the most severe case of swass (sweat ass) I've seen in awhile, Kelly's permanently parked at the port-o-potty, and Steph's threatening innocent gay people's lives with discrimination law suits for not throwing beads to us off the floats. It's about that time we realize we better head on over to The Taste and get some food- stat.


So upon arrival at the Taste I discovered that I have a preference for the attendees of the Pride Parade over the patrons at the Taste of Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I like the Taste, but it's always just a little mildly disturbing, featuring the trashiest people in all of Chicagoland and neighboring states. Not only are the frequenters trashy, but they are also stuffing their faces with all sorts of food items.


Including me, of course.


Had you spotted our group, you would have seen us going to town on such items as roast beef sandwiches, rib sandwiches, fried dough, hot dogs, bread sticks, ice cream, and pound cake. You name it, we are it- in probably 2 seconds. So while I say it's a pretty gross sight, at least I'm admitting that we're all gross sights at the Taste of Chicago. I'll bet anyone money I won't be meeting my future husband at such an event. I mean, how many married couples do you know that met at a pie eating contest? Unlike the beverage, consuming massive quantities of food on a given evening traditionally doesn't make anyone more desirable. Anyways, we went to the Taste, we scarfed, but we had earned it.


All in all, it was a successful Sunday. My recommendation is to not attempt to partake in both Chicago event activities in one day. I'm having a hard time moving my shoulders, as I've pretty much burnt them to a crisp. I'm not sure if our stomachs have fully recovered from this weekend, and a paper cup shaker almost gave Kelly a quarter after seeing the shape she was in on our way home.


If I had to pick one though, I'd say there are more benefits to attending the Pride Parade over the Taste. Here are a few:
-There are actually a few good-looking people wearing leather chaps at the pride parade. If you saw someone wearing leather chaps at the taste, you might barf.
-Pride parade attendees had better custom-designed T-shirts with catchy headlines like "Bitches love me," (on their dogs) "What does a horse say? Heeey," and "Everyone loves a nerdy boy." Although this was a close call since we did spot a person at the Taste wearing a shirt reading, "I ain't scared of no po-po."
-No one got shot near the pride parade yesterday. Certainly can't say that about the Taste.
-Chances are no one at the pride parade is checking out your chest, and if they are it's more flattering than scary.
-Pride parade attendees appreciate the gem of a penis-bead necklace. Patrons of the Taste might be scared.
-There are some open fire hydrants at the Taste, but at the Parade you have the opportunity of getting hit in the head with a condom water balloon.
-The Taste features cops riding horses. The parade features gay cops riding each other.


And, finally, could you see the following person at the taste? Probably. But could you see this person at the taste in this outfit? Doubt it.